


I haven’t been thinking straight, but I guess I’m getting bi.

by Rhiannitha



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: And They Love Him Back, Bang Chan-centric, Biphobia, Bisexual Bang Chan, Canon Compliant, Chan loves his members more than anyone else in the world, Coming Out, Fluff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Stray Kids are a family, and they all love chan no matter what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 23:51:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16820932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhiannitha/pseuds/Rhiannitha
Summary: Chan loves his members more than anything in the world, but he had been hiding a pretty big secret from them.He just hopes that this secret doesn't change anything between the boys when he tells them.





	I haven’t been thinking straight, but I guess I’m getting bi.

Chan could remember when he first started to find boys attractive. It wasn’t anything exciting, he had been 11 years old and had been tackled to the ground during a game of rugby, a sport which Chan would much rather watch than take part in, and as he lay on the ground, wincing at how his chest and back hurt Brodie Taylor approached and held out his hand for Chan to take.

Chan could still remember the way his heart beat seemed to increase as he took Brodie’s hand and was pulled up off the pitch ground. He could remember the way Brodie smiled and how he gave a rough pat to Chan’s back then joined the rest of the team as they got ready to huddle. He could remember spending weeks trying to figure out what was going on, why did he blush whenever he thought of the older boy? Why did his stomach drop in nervousness around him? It wasn’t right. Or that’s what Chan had thought at the time, he’d thankfully came to terms with who he was by now, though it was a hard road.

Chan had worried for the longest time that he was gay, but then he met Allison Wilson. She’d recently moved to his school after auditioning for music and They’d soon became quick friends as they bonded over their love for writing music. It wasn’t long before their friendship eventually became something more as Chan shyly grabbed her hand on a walk home from school one day, it had just felt right after all. This would eventually turn into Chan’s first relationship which was nothing more than shy kisses and hand holding, until he finally moved to Korea.

Chan was able to accept the fact that he was bisexual after that. However, he still hadn’t found the courage to tell anyone, not even his family. His family were pretty accepting of LGBT, but not when it was their own son, or at least that’s what Chan told himself. He hadn’t missed the way that his parents would sometimes make faces at the television if a homosexual couple kissed, even if they said they were okay with it.

The worst experience for Chan with his parent’s had been after watching a show where a bisexual character happened to cheat on someone, a bad stereotype that Chan was not happy to see.

“Chris, Promise me something?” His mum had said as they lounged in the living room. Chan let out a hum to show her he was listening. “Never date a bisexual girl. I would hate to see you be cheated on with another girl. After all we all know that they’re really just gay.” She had laughed as if it were some funny joke even though Chan could feel his stomach drop. He grit his teeth and laughed with her.

“Of course not. Anyway, I’m going to call it a night.” Chan had excused himself quickly and tried his hardest not to show how hurt he was by the comment. That night as he cried himself to sleep he’d came to the conclusion that he would never come out to his parents.

So as of 2018, Stray kids had debuted, they were doing pretty good, but Chan was still in the closet. He had come out to a grand total of zero people. It’s not that he was ashamed, he knew who he was, and he was proud of himself for getting so far and overcoming the depression that seems to come hand in hand with sexuality.

So why was it he was struggling so much with telling the members? They were his brothers, and they had gone through so much together. The simple reason was that he was so afraid of how they would react, if they would hate him or distance themselves from them.

Nothing would break Chan more than having the members feel awkward around him. Nothing filled Chan’s heart more than cuddling up with the members and just forgetting about the world, and if he were to be shunned away then he didn’t think he could cope. After all a lot of the members loved being physically close with each other and Chan didn’t want that to change.

But Chan was tired of lying to his boys, so he would have to do it somehow. So, this is how Bang Chan came out to the boys.

The date was 11th of October. To everyone else in stray kids it was just your average Thursday, they were working hard on their comeback and nothing was out of the ordinary.

To Chan though, this was the hardest day that he’d ever had. It was national coming out day in Australia.

So, as he watched the boys that he had grown to love and call his family practice to hard together as a team, a pang of guilt made itself known in his gut. Today was going to be the day he told them.

Chan had been planning this for weeks. The second he found out national coming out day also happened to land on a day with minimal schedule- it was meant to be.

The plan was simple really. Tonight, Stray Kids would hold their weekly meeting slash movie night where the kids could get a delivery and just relax for once in their hectic schedules. So, after the food when everyone would be at their happiest and most content, Chan was going to come out to the members.

Chan was absolutely shitting himself. He knew fine well how much of an impact this could have on the group if the members were to disagree. Logically he knew they wouldn’t seeing as they would occasionally watch movies with lgbt couples or characters and none of the members would react. But the illogical part of his brain was still there, telling him that the boys would hate him, he’d have to leave the group, that the fans would find out and he’d ruin all their careers.

Chan took in a deep breath and clenched his fist driving those thoughts away. Not now, he could wallow in self-pity later. Right now, he was ensuring that all the members had enough food as ordering take away for nine people usually meant that at least one order would be wrong but thankfully it looked as if this restaurant had gotten it right.

All of the members had crowded round the living room table sharing their food and laughing about any topic that came to mind. Chan didn’t have much of an appetite tonight as he mostly pushed his food to the younger members, scolding them for not eating enough and being too skinny. Felix offhandedly laughing at how Chan sounded like an old granny.

“So, how’s this week been for everyone?” Chan asked as he bit into the spicy chicken wing, enjoying the way the hot spice distracted him from how his tummy was in knots. Everyone let out positive hums as the group agreed that the week had gone well.

“So, to clarify no one has any worries? Reminder that you can always find me yeah?” Chan always made it clear to them that they could talk to him whenever, knowing fine well that some of the members would rather talk to him alone.

As everyone seemed to agree that everything was fine the conversations died down as everyone focused on eating as much as possible. It didn’t take long for the food to be finished seeing as there were 9 hungry mouths to feed.

“Right, Jeongin. Your turn to do the dishes.” Woojin grinned as the rest of the members made to move onto the couch to get ready for their movie.

“Wait um… before that I was just… can you guys sit back down for me?” Chan asked, his nerves getting the better of him as his heart seemed to be beating at a million beats per minute. The members all shared a look, not used to their leader looking so lost as they all sat back down.

“Everything okay Hyung?” Jisung asked as they all sat back down. Chan tried his best to muster up a smile for the members who seemed to be looking extremely nervous.

“Yeah. I just I wanted to talk to you guys about something,” Chan explained, watching the members for any reaction. “Before I do say anything I want to let you know that I love you all so much and I would never have been able to do this without you.” Chan tried his hardest not to get emotional, but he could feel the sting of tears in his eyes as he tried his hardest to not to let his emotions get the best of him. It didn’t help though when he felt a hand grab his own, looking over to see Jeongin giving him a reassuring smile, even if it didn’t reach his eyes.

“We love you too. You’re not sick or anything right Hyung?” Jeongin asked as he gave his hand a squeeze. Chan almost let out a sob as he shook his head.

“No, I’m fine don’t worry. I just… Today is… I don’t know if anyone seen on SNS but in Australia todays a big day for… for people like _me_ ” Chan managed to get out, his heart somehow beating faster than before. Oh god, his members looked so clueless and he was not looking forward to what was about to come. Felix being the only person that their expression changed into shock.

“Hyung… Are you talking about what I think you’re talking about?” Felix let out his eyes growing wide and the surprise evident in his tone of voice. Chan couldn’t take this as the tears finally started to fall, though he didn’t let his posture change as he tried to stay strong for his family.

He couldn’t even find words as simply nodded his head expecting Felix to… to do anything really. Chan wasn’t sure what he expected from his Australian brother. He knew that the younger boy was a catholic and he knew what the catholic church thought of people like him, but at the same time he knew (or at least hoped) that deep down Felix would never hurt him.

Thankfully it was the latter answer as suddenly Chan was bundled up into Felix’s arms as he was embraced into a hug. Chan brought his arms to wrap around Felix, so glad that he had been accepted. At least Chan knew he could do this now, knowing that at least one person had accepted him. Knowing that someone had his back made everything that much easier.

“You’re so brave Chan. I love you so much, okay? I’ve got your back.” Felix whispered into Chan’s ear in English before pulling away, giving the older a squeeze on his shoulder before sitting back down.

Looking at the rest of the members they all looked even more concerned now as they were all out of the loop. There was no easy way to say it, so Chan just went with his gut and opened his mouth.

“So, today in Australia it’s a day called national coming out day.” Chan explained, watching the members faces to gauge their reactions. A few raised eyebrows but no one said anything. Jeongin’s hand found itself back in his own which made the elder relax slightly.

“I don’t know if you guys know about this day but basically…” Chan took a deep breath as he squeezed Jeongin’s hand in his own. “It’s where people come out to their friends and family… as gay.” Chan let the words leave his own mouth, terrified of the reaction of the Korean members as he understood that while improving, Korea was still lacking when it came to LGBT rights and education.

“Oh… So Hyung… are you…?” Hyunjin asked, his face burning red.

“I’m…” Deep breath. No going back now. “I’m bisexual.”

Silence.

You could hear a pin drop.

Felix was the first to come over giving Chan another hug with whispers of how proud he was. Chan almost never noticed when he felt another pair of arms wrap around his waist.

“We love you Hyung no matter what.” Changbin’s voice cut into the silence and that’s all it took for Chan to start full on sobbing as he was suddenly surrounded by his members.

“We love you so much.”

“Thank you for telling us.”

“We love you no matter what.”

The different voices making his heart sing as the members backed up giving him his space. He noticed that a few of the other members were also teary eyed, Hyunjin also crying.

“Aigo, Hyunjin. Why you crying?” Chan asked as he leaned over to the younger, wrapping him up in a hug. Hyunjin let out a sob as he shook his head.

“I just feel bad. You must have been so nervous and scared and _lonely_.” Hyunjin sobbed as Chan rubbed his back softly.

“Don’t worry about me, okay. I have you guys now and I’m just so thankful to have you all.” Chan’s voice cracked at the end as he rubbed away the tears.

“You’ll always have us Chan.” Woojin smiled as he stood up. “I think that’s enough drama for us today, what do you say we stick a cheery movie on and treat ourselves to some ice cream?” The younger members let out a cheer as they moved into the living room to set up.

Chan was about to make his way into the living room as well before he was stopped by Jeongin, the only two left at the table. Chan watched as Jeongin seemed to struggle to say something before finally just hugging the leader.

“Thank you, Hyung. Really.” Jeongin sighed into Chan’s shoulder, even though Chan wasn’t sure what he was being thanked for he rubbed the boys back before pulling away.

“No, thank you. You guys didn’t need to accept me, but you did. Now come on, I’ll help you with the dishes.” Chan smiled as he ruffled the youngers hair.

And later, as he lay on the couch surrounded by his members carrying on and Jisung drooling on his shirt next to him, he couldn’t believe how lucky and blessed he was that he could love these boys with all his heart.

That night Chan slept a whole 9 hours for the first time in months with his heart full and a smile on his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> kinda rushed at the end and this is totally self indulgent but i love my bois so. (legit i project into all of my fics so rip me) Anyway thanks for reading and i hope you enjoyed!


End file.
